May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
