when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
