Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
