your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love having hate sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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