I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
