Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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