eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
