you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
