i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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