The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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