I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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