i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
