We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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