I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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