Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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