drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's blow job season.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
