There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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