I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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