i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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