in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
