whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
