is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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