Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
