glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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