Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
