I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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