should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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