I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
