I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
