Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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