quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
