my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
