Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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