I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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