Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
