i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
