did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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