I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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