Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
