i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
