You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
