I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
