Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
