These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
