My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
God, I missed his penis.
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