It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
