i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
