I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
