Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Welp...herpes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
