if you like me you must not know who I am
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
