After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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