I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
