I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
