She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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