people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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