Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
