I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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