waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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