I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
