porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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