i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my liver is dry heaving
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize