walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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