we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
