Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
