May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
