who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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