I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
