I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
