I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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