Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
