The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
