Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
