are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
