I accidentally burped into my bong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
