Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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