Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
